By far the best advice I got from my critique group was related to research or rather my lack of it. Eve knows what I know about kickboxing, that is, not much. I bought some kickboxing tapes and did the preliminary tape a couple of times. Still working up my nerve for the advanced tape.
Eve is not supposed to be an expect kickboxer, but the reader doesn’t know that by this scene. Many people pointed out things with the kickboxing that just don’t work, like the fact that if she hit him square on the chin, it would probably kill him or at least maim him enough so that he doesn’t jump up growling.
Someone else said that one of the first things you learn in kickboxing is to hit with the ball of your foot so that you don’t injure yourself. Another person pointed out that Bombshell heroines are always kickboxers. Yes, the line has not even made its debut and there are already tired storylines and cliched skills. Sigh.
The most obvious blunder I made research-wise had to do with the oven cleaner. A couple of people pointed out that it’s very toxic and would have blinded the guy for life. And Eve just stood there drinking her beer like “so what?”
I never intended to blind anyone. I figured the paramedics would wash his eyes out and that would be that. So I need Eve to pick up another type of spray. One that’s less lethal but will still do the job.
One hilarious bunch of comments had to do with the whole “what is she reaching for under the cabinet” question. Some folks thought she was getting peaches and corn out and more than one person said they don’t have two spray cans in their house, let alone under the sink.
All this was good information to know, and made me think of possible ways I could revise the scene so that I don’t seem quite so uninformed. Or so that it’s clear Eve is neither an expert at kickboxing or a heartless maimer.
One thing I thought of is that I could have Eve start to kick the guy but he could take her boot and twist it, thereby disabling her ankle and making it more imparitive and less flirty for Mark to help her with the boot. And I could take the looking at each others lips part out too.
This is all moot if I decide not to use the scene, but today I’m thinking I can fix it. Maybe.