When I first moved to Florida, I fell in the new house a few times and bruised myself. I have since quit drinking wine but that’s a different story. Pain is not my friend. Neither are pain pills. So I tried gummies, which are legal. The guy in the store said I absolutely would not get high like on marijuana as I don’t like that buzz. It would just make my pain go away. One edible did not take away pain but two did. This is what happened after a double dose of gummies.
I was making dinner and for once it was interesting, even joyful. All the ingredients plus pots and pans for spaghetti and meat sauce were on every countertop. I thought I was cooking with electric, until Al came in and said in his buzz kill way “What is going on in here? You are supposed to be making dinner!” I laughed in his face and I could not stop laughing even when he emitted a few more choice remarks. It was just so funny to me that I was not made anxious by his annoyance. His stern face was funny. It still makes me smile. I’m not sure what happened with dinner or the big mess in the kitchen but I do know finally Al stopped chastising and laughed too, which made me laugh harder.
Even amidst the laughing I realized that the annoyance of my sweet and mild-mannered husband usually made me anxious. Deep down I have perfect wife syndrome though it shames me to admit it. I try not to be that way but the anxiety I have is clinical and pretty much baked in. Sorry about the pun. So that was a light bulb moment…if my husband did not absolutely love and treasure me every moment, I freaked. In my hidden-even-to-myself way. Maybe that’s what happened in my previous marriages. Hmmm. But in the grip of gummies, I let that go. It felt so good and so free and so right. I can’t explain more than that.
I think we did have dinner because my next recollection was of trying to read my book. I always have at least one book on the go, and as I sat down to read, I found I could not do that. My gummy mind was too busy with assorted weirdnesses of actual life. And without wine, in this world, that can be a bit much. So I went for the mindless television mode until I fell asleep. But that bothered me. I could not take gummies for pain because I need to read more than I need to escape pain. I even read when I have a migraine, although since I stopped the wine I haven’t had many of those. Coincidence?
Reading does help me forget about my many varieties of pain. Even the ones that are made worse by reading. Which is very paradoxical.
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